Thoughts on Friendship: Growth, Distance, and the Beauty of Differences

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”
— C.S. Lewis

Friendships are among the most profound relationships we experience, shaping who we are and how we navigate the world. Yet, unlike familial ties or romantic partnerships, friendships often lack rigid definitions or expectations. They ebb and flow—sometimes growing stronger, sometimes fading into the background—without diminishing in significance.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the evolution of friendship, especially long-term ones. How do people who once shared so much in common grow into distinct individuals, with different interests, lifestyles, and worldviews? And yet, despite these differences, some friendships endure, while others naturally drift apart.

Do We Ever Truly Change?

It’s fascinating to observe how childhood inclinations manifest in adulthood. I've been thinking a lot about this recently as one of my oldest friends came to visit. She has always been effortlessly in sync with cultural trends, online movements, niche fashion, and celebrity news. Even as kids, she had an intuitive sense of what was “cool.” Now, as an adult with more autonomy, this aspect of her personality has only deepened.

On the other hand, I’ve always been drawn to learning, reading, podcasts, musical theater, and reality TV. My passions have remained largely the same, though they’ve expanded and matured over time. This raises a compelling question: Do we fundamentally change as we grow older, or do we simply evolve into a more refined version of who we always were? Perhaps our core interests are planted early, and adulthood is when they fully bloom.

The Beauty of Contrasting Interests

Many assume that strong friendships require a foundation of shared interests. While common ground certainly fosters connection, I’ve come to believe that friendships are even richer when they are built on differences.

Having friends who explore different passions, industries, and lifestyles offers us a window into worlds we may never experience firsthand. It’s like trying on different “hats” through the lens of someone you trust. In long-distance friendships, this dynamic becomes even more pronounced—catching up becomes an exchange of stories, lessons, and insights, allowing us to live vicariously through one another.

These differences don’t weaken friendships; they strengthen them. They provide opportunities for growth, curiosity, and deeper understanding. Through our friends, we expand our perspectives, challenge our assumptions, and see the world in new ways.

The Role of Friendship in Modern Life

Despite the hyperconnectivity of social media, loneliness is on the rise. Friendship, in its purest form, is an antidote to that. True community—whether digital or in-person—requires effort, intentionality, and an appreciation for the people who shape our lives.

For me, fostering friendships has always been a personal priority. I never wanted to find myself in a place of isolation, knowing how detrimental that can be. Especially for women, strong friendships are essential for long-term happiness, emotional well-being, and even longevity. There is an undeniable beauty in having a support system that celebrates you, challenges you, and walks beside you through life’s ups and downs.

How to Nurture Friendships Over Time

Friendship isn’t always effortless—especially as life gets busier and priorities shift. But small, consistent gestures can make a big difference. Here are a few ways that have helped me tend to the relationships that matter:

• Schedule intentional catch-ups: Whether it’s a monthly FaceTime or a yearly trip, create traditions you can look forward to.
• Send voice notes instead of texts: Hearing a friend’s voice adds warmth and nuance that written messages often miss.
• Share something that reminded you of them: A meme, article, song, or inside joke—it’s a simple way to say “I thought of you.”
• Celebrate their wins: Even when you’re not in the same city or season, show up for their milestones.
• Be forgiving of time and space: Life will get in the way, but friendship doesn’t have to be constant to be real.

Friendship thrives not on perfection, but on presence—and even sporadic, heartfelt presence can mean the world.

When (and When Not) to Let Go

One of the most complex aspects of friendship is knowing when to step away. In extreme cases—such as toxicity or harm—distancing yourself is necessary. But in most situations, I believe that too many people approach friendships with a disposable mindset. Instead of “dropping” people, we should reframe how we view relationships.

Sometimes, life takes us in different directions. Priorities shift. Timing isn’t right. But that doesn’t mean a friendship is over—it may just be paused. True friendships withstand change, and as long as there is mutual love and respect, reconnection is always possible.

Friendship as a Lifelong Practice

Friendship isn’t just about shared moments—it’s about shared growth. It’s about embracing differences, making space for change, and valuing connection in a world that often prioritizes convenience over depth. If we approach friendships with curiosity, patience, and appreciation, we open ourselves up to a lifetime of learning, love, and meaningful experiences.

Is there a friendship in your life that deserves a little more care or a fresh perspective?

Because in the end, friendships don’t need to be perfect—they just need to be real.